Bedtime Shenanigans

My two boys 'getting ready' for bed tonight. Joel is a tiger, just in case you didn't notice. Rrrraaaaarrrrrr!

Today's picture is of two of the most important little guys in the world! When I see photos like this, I'm reminded that even though I am far from the perfect parent, at least I have two little boys who are pretty happy and who definitely know they are loved. I wonder why God didn't send children with instruction manuals? Seriously. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time and as soon as I figure out one thing, it seems to change! Is this parenthood or just me? I'll be the first to admit, I need all the help I can get, but I also wonder if sometimes what I think are priorities actually don't amount to a whole lot when looking at the big picture. It's just something I need to consider every now and then - otherwise I find myself unable to see the forest for the trees!

On another note, I have actually taken photos but haven't posted every day. Oops! I might be biting off more than I can chew in this take-a-picture-write-a-post-every-day goal of mine. Let's just say that at the end of the year, you can ask to see my album of all the pictures I have, whether or not they are all posted on here. Just in case you need proof. Otherwise, I will just do it when I can (and I will aim for most days but there may be the odd day out.)

 

Date Night at the Movies

Date night with the hubby (big spending at a whole $3 for both of us.) The movie was good - a modern day Robin Hood of sorts, but I realized how much my views have changed in recent years when it comes to the wealthy and poor. As long as we live with a 'lack' mentality, we will always have to be robbing Peter to pay Paul, but if we operate out of an 'abundance' mindset, then we can step into a place where there is more than enough for everyone to be wealthy, not just a select few.  I'm still having to confront a lot of my 'poverty' mindsets, but at least I know I'm improving. I actually do believe that there is abundance throughout this earth, there just don't seem to be a whole lot of people out there who know this fact. As for me, 3 John 2 is one of my pet scriptures: "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers." Inner precedes outer. I still have a ways to go in the 'outworking' of this verse, but I'm hopeful. Anyway, I need to go to bed. Night night. :)

'Processing'

I've decided to take a slightly different path with this blog for awhile, mainly because I don't write as much on it as I'd like and so I thought I'd change my tact to see if it produced better results. I found that keeping my posts to just 'peace-related' topics meant I cut out a lot of what was happening in my life if I thought it didn't 'fit' and so often I just wouldn't write at all.

My new approach is going to be a mix of 'photo of the day' and whatever thoughts, revelations, musings, etc. I am currently 'processing.' I know I'm a little late for taking a photo every day of the year as we're well into January, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. At least this will get me writing more and will give me a chance to use my new camera I got for Christmas. I officially started yesterday and will do my best to post - at least a photo - every day (fingers crossed!) I'm also hoping that taking a photo every day will stir up my creativity and get me thinking outside the box.

Today's picture is of my journal and a much-needed cup of tea at the end of a long and intense day. I find writing to be really helpful when I want to process my emotions and thoughts and I go through multiple journals every year. The past couple of days I've really been thinking about my heart and how important it is to be able to hear and understand what my heart is saying at any given time. I have discovered that some of the most painful experiences of my life have happened when I have ignored what my heart was saying (especially the Holy Spirit in my heart!) and so I regularly take stock and 'check' myself to see if I'm paying attention to what is going on internally. I've also discovered that our emotions and bodies are good indicators as to whether or not we are in a state of peacefulness. Unfortunately, many of us are not good at taking the 'cues' they send our way and it often takes hitting a brick wall (whether it be a sickness, breakdown, a blow up in relationships, etc) to get us to slow down and take stock. I don't want to get to those points in my life, especially since I truly want to take care of myself and not run from one chaotic scenario to the next. Living in survival mode all the time is not fun, and I much prefer fun. Anyway, I'm heading to my - now lukewarm - cup of tea and my journal to sort through my day's events. See you tomorrow.

A Picture Tells A Thousand Words

This is a photo from worship today. Bethel is recording their latest live CD and we were fortunate to have them do some of their new songs with us in class. I'm not sure if they will use any of the 'takes' they did with us but they were filming nonetheless and the atmosphere was electrified with the Presence of God. I took a few other pictures but as soon as I saw this one, I was like, "This sums up the experience for me, even if it's not a perfect shot." There's something about being in a room full of almost 1,000 other people, all worshiping God with their whole hearts that somehow transcends the English language's capabilities to describe.All I could do at times was just stand there, soaking it all in, left utterly speechless in the experience of His goodness. I pray as you look at this picture, something of this moment captured in film leaps into your heart and allows you to taste and see for yourself.

Powerful People - Part 2 - Journal Entry

In the last post, I shared some of my thoughts on powerful people and now I feel 'prompted' to copy some of what I've written in my personal journal about my revelation on power and identity. Some of it is the same as what I've just said but I am hoping this will bless you as you read it:

From my journal on the morning of December 13, 2011:

I am a powerful person. Any healthy relationship I am in will give room to that power. Any relationship where I feel power being 'stripped' from me is unhealthy. I am a powerful person. I have a voice. This world needs me to be truly myself. I am a unique gift to this earth. I am discovering who I am and it is that I am powerful - it is part of my identity. Jesus is NOT intimidated by my power or my voice. He is infinitely secure in Himself, His power, and His voice and is totally excited and thrilled to see me find my voice. He is empowering me to be the best, most powerful version of myself possible. He is not intimidated by my passion or fire - in fact, He LOVES it! He encourages it! He loves how I love Him. He loves my expressions of worship, He loves my abandonment to Him and His will for my life. He will not EVER change His mind about me. He will not leave when I have a bad day. He will not quit when I'm tired and feel as though I cannot go on. He will not quit. He is faithful even when I am not. He is loyal and strong when I feel/am weak. He has empowered me to be like Him. As He is, so am I in this world and He is powerful, full of ALL authority and He delights in calling out who I really am...

I wrote a bit more but this is the part I felt to share. Think about who Jesus really is. If you're not sure, ask Him. I promise you, He is way over and above the 'good' you think He is. I cannot express in English how amazing He is - He has to be experienced. He is THAT GOOD!

Selah.

Powerful People

Lately I've been getting some massive insights into relationships, thanks to some of the amazing people and teaching here at BSSM. Wow! I've heard this said a few times now, but the penny really dropped another level in my heart the other day: good relationships require there to be TWO powerful people involved. I LOVE this! This single revelation has just unlocked some major doors in my thinking and therefore, my ability to relate to others. I have spent much of my life believing (on some level) that relationships often only have room for ONE powerful person (and many times that person wasn't me!) Not that I have always lived as the 'victim' - I hate 'victim' mentality and so for quite a few years now, I've really worked on 'owning' my stuff and my issues in relationships that I'm involved in. I truly believe in personal responsibility and the freedom that comes with choosing to live proactively in my environment and interactions with others. Despite 'owning' my own junk, though, I still have struggled with feeling some level of guilt for having my own voice or for wanting to say 'Hey, that's NOT alright' when someone does something that hurts me. I didn't think I was allowed to say 'Stop! I don't like that' or 'This is how your actions are affecting me in this moment.' I knew it was good and 'right' to deal with MY reactions to any given situation but I've also thought, to be a good person, 'turning the other cheek' meant treat-me-however-you-like-and-I-will-just-sit-there-and-passively-take-it. But now, with this revelation on powerful people, I'm feeling a whole new level of boldness come over me.

As long as I live with any sense of being LESS than powerful, I am still living with some level of victim mentality. As long as my power is in the hands of someone else, I am not able to be fully accountable for my actions because, after all, what can I do if I have no power myself? I have had so many massive breakthroughs in my understanding on freedom, and this is another one.

So, what does this mean for my future? Where to from here? I am going to step out bravely into this new territory of power. and actually RISK making mistakes on the way. Once upon a time, the fear of making mistakes would've left me almost paralyzed with fear and I would have taken any measure necessary to make sure that I didn't mess up, to make sure I got it 'right.' However, that seems to me to be such a 'lesser' way of life. I realized that Jesus isn't as concerned about me 'getting it right' as He is about my living a wholehearted life in absolute trust in His goodness and HIS ability to keep me from falling (Jude 1:24-25.) After all, His finished work on the cross has made me righteous and put my in right-standing with Him - apart from my works! Refusing to step out and take risk isn't noble, it's cowardly - and I'm no coward. I am a powerful person with a powerful voice and a powerful purpose in this earth. Will I make mistakes along the way? Sure! But knowing I have power to make mistakes also means I have the power to clean up the mess and get up again and 'have another go.'

So what about you? Are you living as a powerful person - in your life? In your relationships? Do you truly believe that you are able to make decisions about where your life is going? Or are you held captive by the fear of failure or by the hopeless sensation that others - people or circumstances - hold the keys to your future (and you are just the prisoner of their mistakes or 'bad luck')? If you fall into the latter category, let me just tell you that no matter what has happened in the past, even what has happened 5 minutes ago, only has the amount of power over you that you allow it to have. You are NOT powerless. You have a free will and that in itself is tremendous. You can get up and walk out of the situation you are in. You can choose THIS DAY that you will make that change, get that job, walk in love, take responsibility for YOU. Other people or 'life' may've dealt you a poor hand, but if you are reading this post, God wants you to know that no matter where you've come from, the fact that you are alive today and breathing, the fact that you woke up this morning means that you've been given another chance. As long as you have breath in your body, you have a choice, you have power. What you do with it is up to you. :)

Synergy

I haven't written in so long and I thought it was about time I updated this blog!

I am so fascinated by the concept of synergy. You know - the whole 1+1=3 (or more) concept? In Biblical terms, I like to think of it as 'one can put 1,000 to flight but two can put 10,000 to flight' or exponential effectiveness. I can't say I understand it very well, but nonetheless I am intrigued. I think of sports stadiums and the 'energy' that is generated when you put multiple thousands of fans together all screaming for their team. Of course, you can generate excitement in the comfort of your own living room when you're the only one watching the game on tv, but it doesn't compare to the 'feeling' you get when you're with other people. That 'sense' of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts is what I'm talking about.

When I look at synergy in my own life, this is what I see. Now that I'm here at Bethel, I'm in an environment where I'm surrounded with like-minded, passionate people who want similar things from their lives and the feeling of acceleration as a result of this 'interaction' is at times almost tangible. The energy here is amazing. It's like a combined total of every individual's breakthrough in God is all around me and I can access it practically effortlessly. Sometimes I am just aware of the incredible breakthrough and Presence that the people around me carry and then I wonder, 'What is it that I bring to the table?' When I think back over the past few years of my life I must admit, I've been through A LOT! I know that I have personal breakthrough that is released wherever I go, I just wish I could step outside of my body and see what it is because I know it's there, I'm just not always sure what it is.

When God brought us here, I knew He had good things in store. I feel such a sense of community and family and when I combine that with what I understand about synergy, I see how being linked in with other people is just so powerful. I can see possibilities opening up to me (even if just in 'mental' form at the moment) that I couldn't even conceive of before I came here because the vital components in the equation are the people with whom I'm involved. I find myself in situations here where I have so much freedom to be myself that I didn't realize how much I was NOT myself in other scenarios until I was released to just be me. We weren't created for hardship. We were created for paradise. Sure, we can learn to thrive no matter where we are; however, if God wanted us to struggle, He wouldn't have put man in the Garden of Eden which was paradise on earth.

Where am I going with all this? I'm not entirely sure yet. I just know that the more I engage with people around me who are in their own interactive relationship with God, my life opens up - blooms, if you will - effortlessly, simply by being in an environment that is conducive to my growth. Effortless, positive, permanent change that comes simply by relating to others - synergy-zing - so that my breakthrough combined with your breakthrough results in multiplied impact wherever we go. I feel like I'm touching the tip of an iceberg and I'm sure this will surface again in other posts but for now, that's one of the things I'm pondering. :)